A New Thinking.

Pondering death and what happens afterwards. We have so many religions that promise different things like peace and happiness, eternal damnation with torture, 32 virgins and so forth.

I don't want everlasting happiness with no free will. I don't want to be tortured for eternity. ok...maybe 32 virgins would be ok.

This made me think of what I would like the afterlife to be. I'd like something more like reincarnation, with a twist.

What if time was a circle? What if we die and go back and start over in a new parallel universe? What if the psyche is transferred to an alien on another planet? So many MUCH more interesting ways to continued life.

I'm sure this has been written about before by people much smarter than I am. I'm just wandering how cool it would be.

True friends...

Recently I had a friendship dissolve for no apparent reason. I tried to reason in my head why this even happened. Eventually I convinced myself that we were never truly friends. On my end we were, but on the other...we were not.

What did I do? I was too nice. What, that's modest of me...lol. But it is true. I did anything for her. I would drop plans just to hang with her. I would agree with her if even on the inside I was screaming "YOU CAN'T TRULY BELIEVE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!". And the list could go on. Maybe it was love. I did love her. At first in a "I hope she'll be my girlfriend" way and eventually in a "I want to protect her and we're only friends" way. And I thought that she felt the same way, I mean that she at least felt that we were friends.

Upon reflection I see that we were never truly friends. I was only her friend inbetween guys that she dated(granted it was the same guy about 5 times). I was her friend when she needed a place to stay. I was her friend when she asked me to get her some dinner. I was her friend when she wanted to bitch about stuff and wanted someone to listen.

Then she moved out...

After that the only texts or phone calls I got were asking for a favor. Will you order me this and I'll pay you back? Did a package arrive? Can I come over and use your shower because my parents pipes are frozen? Never a "How are ya doin Mike?". Then the texts ended. I guess the favors were done and I was no longer needed. Then I was deleted off Facebook. At no point did I do anything wrong? I just wasn't needed anymore.

I guess she started dating a guy. And that's fine...that's what people do. And I'm guessing we had reached the "I've got a new guy and Mike is no longer needed." part of our story. This time I wasn't even kept on retainer. I was tossed aside like yesterday's jam. I can't lie...I'm still mad at her for this. I will eventually get over it, but for now I can't help but be angry at this girl that I can't help but think played me for a fool.

But this also opened my eyes to the great people I have in my life. The people I should have been doing favors for. The people that call me up and ask how my day is. The people that actually care about me as much as I care for them. If you're reading this and are one of those folks...I love you. And I'm here if you need me.